Bring Back the Chorizo

Shiver Me Timbers

2006-08-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

Minnesota's North Shore is a site to see. I will definitely have to post pictures up on my flickr when they are all processed, and that's really the only way to describe it. I can preliminarily try using the five senses here as a template, but whatever I write is probably going to come across as being completely bogus.

Sight - More stars then I had ever seen in my life. Tall white trees that look dead. The first refers to the sky on a clear night. The second the Superior National Forest. Crystal clear water.

Sound - Sometimes nothing. That is the craziest thing. Sometimes some crickets or bullfrogs or rushing water, but sometimes nothing. Also, a rainstorm hitting our tent.

Smell - Fresh. Occasionally flowers. No salt in the air here although sometimes it feels like there should be.

Taste - Zesty vegetable soup at the Angry Trout Cafe in Grand Marais (recommend highly). Warm, gooey banana, chocolate, marshmallow campfiery mix.

Feel - Cold Lake Superior water numbing bare feet being massaged by smooth, pressing round rocks below. Burning in quads after mistakenly hiking an estimated 16-18 miles one afternoon. Map was not to scale.

Unfortunately, camping left me with a pretty bad cold, and adding that to a fairly busy week at work has prohibited me from posting. It took several days to regain strength and quite a few evenings of 8 to 10 pm turn-ins. One of my call nights last week I would have to describe as trying.

I came to a fairly amazing observation the other day at work, when thinking about the fact that one of my patients drove in from Bismarck, North Dakota for emergency treatment. They didn't have the kind of pediatric subspecialist that they needed over there in Bismarck. In fact, there doesn't even exist that type of doctor in all of North Dakota. The Twin Cities were the closest thing and that completely blows my mind.

I had a similar sort of revelation when driving out to the North Shore with Bullshot. About 45 minutes into the journey, I realized that my gasoline indicator had turned on and started looking for an exit. No exit for about 8 minutes. And we were just outside of the Twin Cities. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that.

I haven't played fantasy football for about 3 years now, I've recently joined a league, and the prospect scares me. My usual finishes in a league of 12 is usually around 4, finishing as high as 2 and as low as 8. I've never been really bad, but also never tasted the Bacchalian fruits of pigskin glory (Bud Light).

Sometimes, the single hardest thing about playing fantasy football is picking a team name. For me, though, the whole thing was pretty easy this time, and since I was limited to 20 characters, I knew that my team name would have to be JeromeBettisBBQSauce. The fun thing about picking this name is that it gave me the opportunity to revisit some of my favorite Pittsburgh sports icons' foods of past. I know I've posted this before, but its just too hard for me to resist.

1997
(Jaromir) Jagr creamy peanut butter
(Darius) Kasparaitis Krunchers Russian-style dill pickles
(Jerome) Bettis "The Bus" barbecue sauce

1998
(Jerome) Bettis "The Bus" peanut butter
(Jerome) Bettis "The Bus" salsa
(Jerome) Bettis "The Bus" pickles

1999
(Jason) Kendall Krunch cereal

2000
(Brian) Giles No Guts No Glory sports drink

2001
Lynn Swann's Super 88 cereal

2002
Hines Ward 86 steak sauce

2003
Tommy Gun cereal (Tommy Maddox)
Tommy Gun barbecue sauce (Tommy Maddox)in two flavors, original and mesquite

2004
Big Ben's beef jerky (original and teriyaki)

As you can see, both peanut butter and BBQ Sauce are popular items in Pittsburgh. Its great to have football season back.

I'll have to figure out where my Wildcat watching station will be this fall. Tomorrow I will have to call around to see who'll be playing, or who'll be willing to play, the ESPNU Thursday night showdown. Today, absent-mindedly, I almost scheduled an evening to watch "Little Miss Sunshine" Thursday night. As a Cats fans, I'm pretty a disappointed in myself. A near miss this time, perhaps a fatal mistake sometime in the future.

Lastly, I'm yet to figure out a good sleep schedule for myself post-call. Basically, I am on-call in the hospital every fourth night (after working the day before), and then am required to leave by 1pm the next afternoon. Saturday I was on call, didn't sleep, and then came home on Sunday at about noon. I thought about sleeping through the afternoon, but initially on the way home I ran into a friend on the street and we chatted for a while. This totally fired me up. It was a gorgeous day so I went for a walk. Then I came home and watched "High School Musical". I later watched "Pirates of the Caribbean". So, then I didn't end up sleeping yesterday afternoon either. I crashed at about nine and just couldn't get up with my alarm at six. I think I need a better plan than this.

"High School Musical" is a great movie and highly recommend it to anyone who can appreciate genre excellence. "Stick to What You Know".

Baseball Camping Baseball

2006-08-17T21:40:00.000-05:00

I want to talk a little bit about process. The process involved in manufacturing a blogger post. (Fred Rogers, please start Picture Picture). The way I am doing these things nowadays is totally different than how I ever did them in the past. It's fresha and unique. I write little bits at a time, and only publish when I reach a critical content mass. My content required threshold is pretty low, but still high enough that it usually takes me several attempts to finish a post. I use the 'save as draft' as a key ally in this whole process.

Yesterday our pediatric ward was graced by a visit from Twins second baseman Nick Punto and backup catcher Mike Redmond. This created the largest stir with the nurses on the floor, who from a safe distance took a liking to Mr. Punto, the second largest stir came from some of the Twin Citizen fathers on the floor, and the third largest stir came collectively from all of the sick children. Punto and Redmond were chatting with the kids for a bit, and made sure they double autographed the bills of some Twins hats they had brought along. Unfortunately, they stationed themselves in the glass playroom which is a doctor free zone, and I wasn't able to get anything more than a nod while I was walking by. If you think about it, though, a nod from some big leaguers while you are working is pretty cool. Usually its us watching them work. Oh, how fast the tables turn!

This morning I went into the room to visit of one of my 16 year old patients. He has discovered that his room has wireless Internet and has started networking games of some derivative of War Craft that he has installed on his computer. He has also discovered that the curtain can completely enclose his bed into a mini war-zone, and so he has gone ahead in creating mission control, shutting the curtain and any sense of reality that might be present. After sneaking into the war-zone HQ this morning, I noticed one of the Minneota TC hats sitting on his chair. I remarked how awesome it was that all the kids had a chance to meet some of the players yesterday. He looked up for but a brief second, said that it was pretty cool, but that he couldn't really remember who he had met. Basically, his sentiment was, "whatevs". He then resumed playing his War Craft derivative game.

I discoverd that going to work isn't so bad when you sleep over every fourth night. The thought is that for every four days that you work, you only have to physically drive there and drive home three times. These makes days, weeks, and even months seem like they are flying by in hours, minutes, or even seconds.

Just like always, this week flew by really fast, which means that it is almost time to go camping! This trip should be extraordinary, and last night I spent several hours grocery shopping and packing to prepare for the adventure. Tomorrow night I will be under the northern Minnesota stars, enjoying the fresh and crisp but hopefully not too crisp air. Weather.com reports Saturday to have an ominous high of 63 degrees and a 50% chance of rain. Time to break out tht thermals.

Lastly, I am going to ride out the weekend in style with a trip to see the Saint Paul Saints baseball game on Monday night. Tailgating is encouraged, but my dilemma is that I am yet to find a good Minnesota working class beer. Since I am now in the working class, I think that it is vital that I find one. My working theory on this futile search is that the Twin Cities were not born from the same blue-color identity that forged my previous residences. No Iron City. No Old Style. The best they can do here might be Leinenkugel's (really more Chippewa Falls, WI than anything else). I don't know what to think of this. I guess I'll just have to raise my glass of Summit Pale Ale. Does that work?

In our group, we will also be bringing along the previous winner of the Saints beard contest. We will be bringing him along with his $50 of unused gift certificates that can be used in the stadium for beer. Can anyone beat that?

Interesting fact: In yesterday's Twins game, the only two bench players who did not get into the game were Punto and Redmond. Someone fact check me on this, but I think I'm right. Who's my fact checkin' cuz?

I Heart Kowalski's

2006-08-13T17:57:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was about as gorgeous as they come. I spent a little bit of time outside, a little bit of time inside cleaning, and a little bit of time watching baseball. Perfect. To cap off my day, yesterday evening I decided to take a leisurely walk to the grocery store to pick up some asparagus, shrimp, and cilantro to make a simple pasta meal with hot selections from the barbie. Usually, I drive my car to the grocery, but today with the evening especially pleasant, I couldn't resist the stroll. I walked first to a non-standard grocery store of mine, the Mississippi Market, and couldn't find what I was looking for. I then decided to trapse back over to my all-time favorite grocery store, Kowalki's. All in all the walk was a gorgeous 3.7 mile exploratory journey throught my Saint Paul neighborhood. I only wish I had brought a camera to document.

Dealing with UPS on Friday evening was a time to forget. It would be too painful for me to recount the details of how many things they screwed up, but just know the end result was that I was left without package. In the process, I ended up doing my good deed for the day by driving a Somali man around the cities. The whole thing made sense at the time with the wild goose chase that UPS had me on that evening. My Somali friend had locked his keys in his car and needed a ride home. Plus he reminded me of the man from I Heart Huckabees, so I thought helping him out would be the right thing to do. In retrospect, one good reason to not help him out would have been that he didn't smell very good. Bad smells can only get worse in confined spaces. Luckily, my new car smell returned just minutes after dropping him back at the UPS center.

Friday night took an upturn when I paid a visit to Gloria, my new stylist by recommendation at the MOA. Gloria was a wonderfully pleasant woman, who decided that my haircut was a pretty exciting thing. She potentially solved a problem that I have been having with the front portion of my hair, and reinforced the fact that I should never use conditioner in my hair. And while I didn't end up having views of the Old Navy, the whole experience was pretty darn good.

On rare occasions I become a little uncomfortable when I am grilling out my front window. My third floor window overlooks historic Grand Ave, and has a small arc of a ledge that juts out about 18 inches in radius directly outside my sunroom. That's where I grill. The main problem is that I know what I am doing is illegal, and my concern is that barbequeing openly on a busy street might attract attention. I am slightly worrieed that the police will have something to say about it, but am more concerned that my landlord will happen to walk by at the exact moment that I am lighting up. And yet another dilemma exists. The closer I keep the grill to the apartment wall, the more hidden it is, but the more of a fire hazard it becomes. The greater the distance from my apartment wall, the more visible it becomes. And the most conspicuous of all grilling happens with the cooking of the bratwurst. When those soft fresh sausages plump up, their juices start to drip down through the grate and create the most beautiful and fragrant of smokes. Yes, beautiful to me and you, but not as beautiful to my landlord and the SPFD.

Beekeeper Seeks Walleye

2006-08-09T22:37:00.000-05:00

I took my first trip to the MOA on Sunday, and to my surprise I must say the MOA is quite spectacular. The layout is intuitive, the design breathtaking, and with the number of map stations posted throughout, its easy to get where you need to be to spend your hard-earned American dollars. Three stories and four avenues (north, east, south, west) frame an amusement park. There is also a Legoland, aquarium, 4-6 Caribou Coffees, and a mall foodcourt unrivaled anywhere in the world.

The MOA is where I am going this upcoming Friday night to get my haircut as well. My appointment is at 7 pm, and I can't think of anything better than getting a little trim with a clear view of the Old Navy. It's too bad its not the season for $2 Old Navy USA flag shirts. If that were the case, I would have the opportunity to people-watch our country's finest patriots (outside of members of USA Beard Team).

The reason I went to MOA in the first place was to find myself a pair of Crocs. The thought was that Crocs would be ideal for being on call in the hospital. Crocs are basically rubber shoes with air ventilation holes spaced throughout, and they are all the rage with little kids right now. They are also quite comfy. Additionally, my mother has a pair. The kids usually wear red, orange, green, or purple, but I was looking for something a little bit more respectable like black, chocolate, navy, or powder blue. To my dismay, however, neither of the Crocs kiosks had any more in my size (this was after I had checked at REI, Dicks, and Sports Authority). I was redirected to Nordstrom's where they had Crocs in my size, but somehow I ended up coming home with a great pair of Merrell clogs. So it goes.

I have worn my Merrells to work everyday since Sunday and they are spectacular. I noticed this evening that I have scuffed up the toe of the right clog pretty bad, while the left one still looks pristine. I wonder what this says about my gait or posturing. Hopefully good things.

By the day I am growing more excited about my camping trip up north. Looks like the weather there should peak in the mid 70s which will be just perfect for hiking. Our camping spot will be a short shot from three state parks, gorgeous Lake Superior, and hopefully a bit of wildlife as well. I also hope to make it up all the way to Grand Marais, see the town, and maybe stop in at the Angry Trout Cafe for the freshest of fishes. Oh, one can only dream, I suppose.

Now, I have more than once used this forum to talk about how much I love fish, and my move up here to Minnesota has made my love grow stronger (the exact opposite of distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I am not sure if the saying extrapalates to human fish relations). Unfortunately, I don't have any good fishing stories, yet, but I do have a good one about a certain Walleye sandwich I had a couple weeks ago.

Set the scene in a beautiful garden bar on a calm evening. You can't even feel the air, and the only sensation you've got is the cool condensation on your hand from a $2.50 PBR tall boy. There is a pesky bee bothering you, too. And actually, there is another sensation beyond that. Think fish. Yes, how about the best grilled walleye sandwich you've ever had swimming and dancing on your tongue. For some odd reason, your friend finishes his sandwich prematurely and leaves some extra on his plate. Well, what do you do? You go for it, right? But guess who beats you to the punch? Yes, indeed, it's Mr. Bee. Before I could act, our bee friend dove right into the plate, broke off a giant piece of the walleye, and clumsily flew away. And you know what? Two minutes later he returned and broke off another huge chunk for his friends. This pattern probably lasted about 10 total trips and was just incredible! Bees eating walleye? Just come to the Twin Cities.

Born on Seaweed

2006-08-07T23:34:00.000-05:00

It's a GBV marathon of sorts over here tonight. Pretty good way to do it, and it always leads me to a High Life or two to get into the mood appropriately. A lot of what I am listening to is the suitcase, too, which means silly titles like "Taco, Buffalo, Birddog and Jesus"

One of the things that I was trying to do while listening to GBV this evening was my overdue hospital dictations. Basically the premise is that I have to dictate the clinical course for all the kids I see in clinic or take care of in the hospital. This is something at which I am terribly attrocious. I feel for the transcriptionist who has to deal with my pauses, my actually I meants, and the incoherent mutterings coming out of my mouth itself. I'll just chalk it up to something that I will have to get better at in time.

It might be silly if some of the GBV lyrics showed up in the actual dictations, with the transcription mistakenly hearing the music through the phone reciever. I can imagine the pediatrician receiving the dictation letter exclaiming, "I am glad to hear Johnny is all right, but what is this whole thing about the bitter fish in the crude oil sea?"

And anytime guitar work leaked through, maximum riffage would show up in parentheses.

These DVR'd cooking shows easily provide my full dose of entertainment for the evening. Ina made tequila lime chicken with a baked corn dish and key lime pie, and Giada added her bean soup with Italian corn bread. Now, you're probably saying to yourself "Italian corn bread???" Well if you hold your horses I'll tell you that she added sun-dried tomatoes to the mixture. That makes it Italian. Steven did great Texas and Oklahoma bbq, and I made a frozen pizza. Veggie Supreme.

I got just enough baseball in tonight as well. A couple innings of Twins/Tigers, a couple innings of Sox/Angels. The NL is in troubbble. I miss Harold Reynolds.

Lastly, I am about a week and a half from a camping trip up to the North Shore of Minnesota. The North Shore refers to Minnesota's Lake Superior Shore and is lined with state parks, small towns, and great hiking. I am pretty excited and luckily was able to squeeze a reservation for one of the last available camping spots left up there for the weekend. I anticipate scenic drives, scenic hikes, loads of stars, and lots of good food around the campfire.

(maximum riffage)

Curds 'N Tunes

2006-08-05T20:11:00.000-05:00

First I need to make an important correction to my previous post. There is no "America Beard Team", but rather the team is called "Beard Team USA". Phil Olsen is the founder of the team, and maintains The Beard Team USA Blog to update their efforts to all interested. You will notice that there is no entry for the competition in Saint Paul, which surely must be a whale of an embarrassment for the entire team from coast to coast.

I made the mistake of taking a look at the Lollapalooza website today. It looks ridiculously good and made me more jealous than ever. Here is a mock shedule of what I might have seen if I could have gone. Note: This is totally outrageous.

Friday
2:30-3:30 Eels*
3:30-4:30 Stars*
4:30-5:30 Ryan Adams*
5:30-6:30 Iron & Wine*
6:30-7:30 The Raconteurs*
7:30-8:30 Sleater Kinney*
8:30-10:00 DCFC

Saturday
12:00-12:30 Rainer Maria*
12:30-1:30 Nada Surf*
1:30-2:30 The Go! Team*
2:30-3:30 Built to Spill
3:30-4:30 Calexico*
4:30-5:30 Gnarls Barkley*
6:30-7:30 The Flaming Lips
7:30-8:30 The New Pornographers
8:30-10:00 Kanye West*

Sunday
Not totally stoked about the early schedule, so might rest up in the am
3:30-4:30 Andrew Bird
4:30-5:30 Shins
5:30-6:00 Of Montreal*
6:30-7:30 Wilco
7:30-8:15 Broken Social Scene
8:15-9:45 RHCP

*=artists not previously seen live

I cannot even fathom how good that must be. Right now as I am writing the palpable energy must be building for Kanye. Oh my goodness this is hard to handle. Here is a text message exchange that just occured.

gurs: golddigger!
turducken: Mayhem right now
turducken: Racounters and flips best ro far

I am too jealous for words.

My call schedule has limited me a bit in some of the concerts I have been able to see here in the twin cities. Call nights have blocked me out of Jens Lekman and Wolf Parade recently and I missed out on the Raconteurs because they sold out. I did catch the Futureheads last week who annihilated me in the best way possible. Very powerful yet friendly group. I met an entemologist at the show and that was a first for me as well.

The Decemberists and Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah are two upcoming shows that should be pretty good, but what I am most excited for is seeing the Flaming Lips, Sonic Youth, and Magic Numbers together while eating cheese curds at the Minnesota State Fair. 4 for 1 Minnesota Special.

I am currently reading from Baseball Prosepectus' "Baseball Between the Numbers". Hopefully I can read a chapter tonight, and the chapter is appropriately titled "Is David Ortiz a Clutch Hitter?" Now, I know that a lot of people don't belive clutch-hitting exists, but Big Papi has to be an exception. In his brief interview after hitting the 3-run walkoff against the Tribe last Sunday he was asked how he does it time and tiem again. Big Papi responded, "Concentration." You gotta love him.

Team America

2006-08-02T00:02:00.000-05:00

There are at least three things that we as Americans know to be certainties.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. RedHotHalos is the best damn thing out there.

RedHotHalos has become so good, it blows my mind. It's the purest form of blog.

I am currently in a quiet spot of a call night in the hospital. I am sitting on a bed in a room about 6x8 feet. I have a small lamp on, a computer on a cart in front of me (for entering orders at night) and a telephone. The nice thing about being in this room is that I can take my socks off and let my feet air out, something that is more difficult to do at the 5a nurses station.

This next item relates to both nurses and feet. One of the nurses this evening asked me what to do about her new foot problem. "I know this is like totally gross and you are going to totally think this is so gross, but my toenail kind of fell off and its kinda green underneath and smells really bad." She must not be a Vikings fan, because anyone who watches sports on television would know what to do about this seemingly very common problem. I am more amazed that I am placed in a situation where someone I am working with thinks its ok to say these things.

Drivel like this is important to me because I am not that good at following the news. I have started to get most to all of my news from the Daily Show, Colbert Report, and occasionally NPR in the morning. I occasionally read Internet headlines as well. I do understand that this is a very dangerous filter for receiving news, but at the same time it is the most entertaining.

My new DVR option from Comcast allows me to digitally record these shows daily. So along with the Daily Show and Colbert Report, I also record PTI daily and then a variety of cooking shows including Barbecue University, Barefoot Contessa, Everyday Italian, 30 Minute Meals, and Simply Ming.

Barbecue University is by far my favorite of the cooking shows. The way that it finds the simple goodness in foods is what appeals to me. It hurts to know how limited my grill equipment is (I am limited to essentially one mini Webber gas grill), but super fun to discover the lifetime of opportunities that await in grilling paradise.

I want to tell a fun story now. I have a friend in my residency program here who is Sikh. Basically what that means is that he is an Indian who wears a turban and through his entire life has never cut a hair on his body. He is also by law allowed to carry a concealed sword if he likes, but I am too afraid to ask is he does or doesn't do that. Well, this weekend he and his wife attended a Saint Paul Saints game, and the promotion of the day happened to be an all-stadium beard contest. And not only did he become one of the on-field finalists, but he also beat out several members of a certain America Beard Team (not a joke), in winning the competition by crowd applause. Selected as the best beard out of 10,000 people, he raked in $50 of Saints gift certificates. Pretty good. Even better was that he was solicited by the America Beard Team to join their ranks. Making the worst decision in his life, he politely declined, and simply took one of their business cards for future reference. Now, I am not telling anyone what to do, but if I was asked to join any sort of America team, I would do it in a heartbeat. These things are best done wearing a red, white and blue bandana.

I am not sure if the America Beard Team is indigenous to Minnesota, or they just traveled here for the beard competition during the minor league baseball game. Quite frankly, neither would surprise me.

Meat in the Lettuce

2006-07-06T23:25:00.000-05:00

If everyone I knew lived in St. Paul it would become one of the best places in America. The pace is right, the attitudes are right, the lakes are gorgeous, and most importantly it is very easy to commute and park everywhere. Unfortunately everyone that I know isn't here and often times I have to refer to my default evening. My default evening is self-entertainment. This is a new useful skill that I've had to develop, and while I am still growing my wings, often involves phone consultations to numerous out of town consultants (i.e. What should I eat for dinner? What do you think would be fun for me to do tonight?).

Tonight was a perfect example. I called one St. Paul friend for dinner and when he didn't respond (I later found out that he was on the treadmill), I knew that I would be responsible for putting my own plan into action. I took a trip to the central library, checked out some books, ate dinner at Chipotle, and then read for a bit outside at a coffee shop. It was all very nice. Pastoral, even, although I am not sure that description makes sense. I can say that it felt pastoral, though. One thing that I've learned is that no one can tell you that the way you feel is wrong. Anyway, while often times my evenings still feel odd, this type of scenario is exactly how I envisioned my life would be here. I think it will just take me a little time to get used to my new coat.

President Bush's current trip to Chicago to help support Illinois GOP governor candidate Judy Baar Topinka got me to think about the party lines of my own congressional district from Pennsylvania. Most recently the vote has been very Republican, and our U.S. Congressional representative from the 4th district of Pennsylvania, Melissa Hart, is about as Republican as you can get. She was responsible for drafting a bill that says if you commit a crime against a pregnant woman you should be charged with two crimes against two victims. I will let you draw your own conclusions. She votes along Bush lines 98% of the time, and is one of the possible candidates for the likely open Senatorial spot that Arlen Specter will probably leave behind in 2010. Her opposition in the 4th in 2006 is going to be Jason Altmire. His thing is health care reform and he was a WR on Florida State's 1989 Sugar Bowl championship team. He's got great pictures of his family on his website, too. That is all you need to know.

Lastly, I want to wish a very happy 30th birthday to Bean. Goals turned 18 a few days ago, too. She even got to go to P.F. Chang's with her friends on the waterfront. That's all pretty cool. She didn't order the lettuce wraps, though. I am not sure what is up with that.

Bring Two Coats to Minnesota

2006-06-25T23:46:00.000-05:00

New things in my life since I last wrote:

Cable with DVR
Historic Grand Avenue
Lakes
Mazda 3i Touring
Minneapolis
Minnesota
Pager
Residency
Saint Paul
Scab on Ankle
Upper Youghigheny
Wedding
Wifi Stolen from Brueggers Bagel Bakery

Other than that, it's been a little tough adjusting back to early mornings. Outside of knowing few people here, St. Paul is an ideal location. I hope to once again use this forum freely, but we shall see.

Lastly, chestnut stain is a bit more cherry than you'd think. That's why He invented second coats.

Who Does #2 Work For?

2006-05-18T12:26:00.000-05:00

Clients #4 and #5, as I like to call them, are coming to view the apartment at 5:30 pm and 6:00 pm this evening. Others call them Matt and Sean. I like to keep the potential lessees as impersonal as possible. That way I don’t get too attached.

A week ago, I had secretly prophesized that I would only need three clients to view the apartment before it rented. I shared this secret with less than ten people. The prophecy did not come true, and I think this is because I wasn't able to keep it a secret. The new prophecy is that it will take five people to see the apartment before it rents. And the unchosen ones...

Clients #1: Couple soon to be graduating from University of Chicago. They wanted to live together, and I was superficially concerned that they were rushing into it. Unlike the prophecy, I keep this a secret. They decided on another apartment in the neighborhood and I thought they were dorks.

Client #2: Nice young woman soon to be graduating from Northwestern with a history major. Her big problem was that she would not let me haze her. I told her that she could perform a skit, and that if I didn’t like it she would have to give me a lap dance. The skit that she chose was walking around the apartment pretending to be interested and leaving saying that she would be in touch with me. Turns out she might just want an apartment lease that starts in September.

Alberto: Alberto gets a name because I like to say his name. Alberto. Alberto, a short talkative man-child, arrived at noon on Sunday, carrying fresh the scent of beer and cigarettes. Alberto loved the apartment, especially the water pressure. Within minutes of meeting him, Alberto mentioned a traumatic experience he once had at a bowling alley. He was also proud being awake since 9 am. Alberto talked about renting the apartment after clearing it with his girlfriend. As of 2 days ago, Alberto still has “two things” he needs to check on before he can accept the apartment.

I have attacked with a fresh ad. You might notice that Nemo’s testimonial from the previous entry's comments section was not added. This is because it is unclear from his testimonial whether or not pumpkin guts are engrained into the hardwood.

Believe

2006-05-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

Because it was just too good, I have to talk a little bit about the Pacific Northwest dinner party thrown at Casa Gurs de Washington State Lincoln Square Chicago, USA. The event was last week, the perfect crowd was in attendance, and Isaac Brock's meal published in a recent Believer magazine (heavy on the coconut milk and cumin) seemed to strike a chord with the guests.

However, clearly the highlight of the evening was the beating of the symbolic fish pinata. Walls and hands were struck, egos were shattered, and in the end, everyone got candy. And not just any candy. We are talking about big boxes of candy. King Size even. Cubbie was seen smashing a box of Junior Mints in his powerful oversized mitts only to greedily grab a fresh unsmashed box. Turducken sprawled himself across the floor tackling the best candy his eyes could find and biting the innocent ankles of others. Everyone knows that Turducken has a sweet tooth.

As stated earlier, the event was held at my apartment. Coincidentally, this beautiful unit is now up for rental. Know anyone interested in a June 1 lease?

Fantastic Apartment Ad!

Any idea why this apartment isn't moving? Neither do I, because its a real gem. Maybe I can add some testimonials to the ad.

Lastly, its incredibly difficult to find a nearby drive-in theatre that's not showing a double feature of RV and MI:III this weekend. I've never been to one and have always been interested in going. Its a community of which I'd like to become part. The quest to be a regular. Take, for example, Inez, who loves the Keno Family Drive-In in Pleasant Prarie, Wisconsin.

This is the absolute supercalifragilistic drive-in! The box office people are always so friendly. They make the best pizza bread. The bathrooms are not always the cleanest, but they always work properly! For the last two seasons they haven't picked, or kept, the best movies around like they had in past years, but when they have movies on their opening weekends, it is great. Above all, the movies always start on time, which is great even on those Saturday nights that you don't want to come to an end, but you know that you have to get up and go to church the next Sunday morning. Thank you so much Keno for always providing TOP-NOTCH family fun and entertainment!

Keep it Relevant

2006-05-05T15:16:00.000-05:00

I feel like this hot blog used to be of some critical relevance. The evidence all points to the fact that this is no longer the case, and the cynics are calling for my head.

“He hasn’t had a good post since the Rud interview and we all know that had nothing to do with him.”

“If there weren’t a link to RedHotHalos on this page, I would have no reason to visit at all.”

Readers are hungry for more.

“Honey, have you seen that box of Kashi Heart to Heart?”

The gypsies are looking into their crystal balls and they’re telling the same story. Babies are crying ceaselessly, and the ashes of some relative of mine are stirring up in a directionless Ganges current (I think this is the equivalent of rolling around in ones grave).

So, I have been fiddling around with some ideas of how to make this a better blog. Below is something that we in the industry call a brainstorm. When you brainstorm, your ideas don’t have to be any good. Preferably, they are whatever thoughts happen to pop into your head.

Add more links to RedHotHalos.
Add pornography.
More coverage on the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Talk about where I get my haircut.

Ok, that was a pretty good exercise.

However, as the dogma is written, when all else fails, just talk about the new pair of shoes you bought.

One thing I really like about California is the style. On a recent trip to San Francisco, my better senses led me into a shoe store right down the street from the world famous Amoeba records. It was the attitude of “Villains” that sold the shoe. I thought to myself, ‘If I owned that pair of red/blue plaid Velcro Vans, I could transform into someone completely different’. I could be chill and progressive. I would be hip without even trying. A gracious nod from the saleswoman was all I needed to wrap up those left coast soles, and now I’m ready to unleash them on the young and anticipating Twin Cities scene. Plus, they look like they are fuckin’ Burberry. Limited edition, too. That’s hott.

79

2006-05-03T12:03:00.000-05:00

Today the projected weather is 79 degrees, which would cause anyone in their right mind to wish their car stereo was working. Mine still happens to be broken, which means that cruising down Lincoln Ave with my windows down (manually rolled) requires an internal soundtrack. When that happens, one becomes subject to whatever tune their head desires to play. This could be the purposeful Tapes ‘n Tapes, but more than likely it will be OMCs “How Bizarre”.

How do I maximize my last few weeks in Chicago? You might think that I should set my internal soundtrack to Wilco and drive up and down LSD. It sounds like a pretty good plan, but we all know that gas is getting pretty pricy. So, what I am left with is spending time with pals, revisiting my favorite spots, and feeling the warm Chicago winds rustle my arm hair. Maybe I would just like to grill outside as much as possible.

I would also like to find a Zen whereby I can be Chicagoland and Chicagoland can be me. My eyes could the reflecting bean and my mouth the great Lake Michigan. My shoulders and frame the smooth plains and miles of housing. My legs the CTA and my arms the Daley machine. My heart could be clogged with Italian beef.

Lastly, Radiohead plays two shows here at the Auditorium Theatre on June 19 and 20. I anticipate that these will be really good, so get your tickets while you can. They go on sale this Saturday at 10 am.

As today is Wednesday, I plan to recreate my perfect Subway sub today.

Neither/Nor

2006-04-26T22:35:00.000-05:00

I am usually really not that much of a Subway guy, but occasionally good economics gets the best of me ($2.49 sub of the day). Wednesday is savory turkey and today I think I found the only perfect Subway combination.

For bread I go with Honey Oat, which we all know is the obvious choice. I accentuate my Savory Turkey sandwith with provolone cheese and garnish with watery lettuce, green peppers, pickles, gardenara*. Here, though, is the kicker: Southwest Chipotle Sauce.

*I also realize that I have no idea how to spell this word, and in a recent telephone conversation realize that I might not know how to say it either. Suprisingly, google searching and dictionary.com have not elucidated the answer. Any thoughts on spelling and/or pronunciation would be appreciated.

A few minutes ago, I came crashing down to earth upon realizing that my once prolific beer collection is down to one can of skunky PBR. Looks like its time to host another dinner party.

Lastly, it's time to play a game called neither/nor. A game in which I form sentences using those words.

1. Currently, neither the NHL playoffs nor the NBA playoffs interest me.
2. Neither wind nor fire will hinder me from achieving my dreams.
3. Neither Larry nor Balki was able to solve the misunderstanding.

Welcome to Chicago

2006-04-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

This is what people say when you have a cold day after some really warm ones. It happens every year. It happens every month. It happened today.

I have been on a hot streak of not writing. Sorry if this throws a wrench anyone’s day.

I did in fact run into Conan O’Brien two days in a row in Lincoln Park.

Day 1: Walking down the street with large green glasses talking on cell phone. Very tall and pasty.

Day 2: Gets out of white van in front of me and walks right into Potbelly’s which is my destination, too. Orders an Italian on white with no hot peppers. Very tall and pasty again. Notice that hair does not really poof in his street life.

I left Conan alone and it’s not because I didn’t want to bother him. I did in fact want to bother him and have a nice conversation. Instead I decided that I just couldn’t play it cool. Starstruck. What’s a guy in Chicago to do?

I have never before been excited to move into an actual apartment structure like I am now. I found a nice spacious apartment overlooking Historic Grand Avenue in St. Paul. It’s on the third floor over a Bruegger’s Bagel Bakery. Additionally, no landlord has ever asked me what colors of Restoration Hardware paint I would like on my walls before I moved in. What a guy! The apartment is also old and beautiful and I think it was a pretty good find.

Better yet, S and I also made up a very good game driving home from the Twin Cities. One of the best car games that I’ve ever thought of. It’s called “Man or Woman”. The player playing has to see cars in advance and decide whether it is a man or a woman driving them. After deciding, the driver speeds up to take a look. S finished 39/50 in gender identification and that sounds pretty good to me. Please note that this game is also very dangerous as sometimes the driver may exceed 90 mph to get a good look.

Lastly, my week in Barcelona was one of the best of my life. I will post pictures on my flickr soon.

Tabula Rasa

2006-04-06T10:11:00.000-05:00

Three days ago, I would’ve said that you have no heartbeat if you can’t get excited for the beginning of the baseball season. Everyone tied for first place with a clean slate. Three days ago the Pirates were 0-0. Today the beloved hometown Pirates are 0-3. Swept by a team (Milwaukee Brewers) that I don't think is as good as they are made out to be. Beat by a hacking Prince Fielder. It’s hard. What makes it more tolerable/intolerable is that all three games were competitive and lost in relief. I am not sure which one applies.

Regardless, yesterday was a great trip to Miller Park. On the way home a pretty good radio game was developed. Here is how you play.

Object: Have fun and groove at the same time

Materials: VW Jetta with Radio, Friends

Rules:

1. On your VW Jetta, find your radio. Press the button that scrambles the stations and assigns the six strongest stations to the six preset buttons in ascending order.

2. Select someone to play the game. If it’s someone’s birthday, that person becomes the player automatically.

3. At the beginning of the game, start with button 1. In subsequent rounds, start with the button numerically after the one you left off with. After hearing the song playing, the player has the choice to listen to the entire song on the first station or pass to the next station. If a commercial is airing, then the game automatically moves to the next station.

4. If the player passes on the station, then press the next button to move to the next station. He/She then has the choice to listen or pass again.

5. If the player gets to the sixth (last) station, all in the car are forced to listen to whatever is on that last station. In the case that it is a commercial, the station is reverted to the most previous station that was playing a song.

6. Once everyone has listened to (and hopefully enjoyed) the song, and after hearing the beginning of the next song, the player has the choice to stay with the current station, or start the game again at from rule #1. Different stations may scramble into the mix when the game is played again.

7. Fahrvergnugen.

This game is great because it both rewards and punishes risk-taking. Last night songs were heard by artists such as The Beatles, Dido, Green Day, Poison, The Police, Gwen Stefani, U2, and some funky Mexican band. Some were danced to, some were sung to, and others were just tolerated.

Give Me Something to Look Forward to

2006-04-01T02:00:00.000-06:00

As the song goes... "Your Chicago manual of style"

It's not going to be easy to leave Chicago. Chicago will go out with a fight. I didn't realize the extent until the Robert Pollard show tonight at the Metro. It had nothing to do with the show. The show was mediocre at best, but as has been the case for the last week or two, I couldn't hold myself back from looking around. This was probably one of my last shows at the Metro. I went there first my freshman year of college and that's pretty much all I know. I have been going for 8 years since.

I met four guys tonight from the Twin Cities at the Metro. They are good cities, I know. These few drove down from the Twin Cities for the show and I recognized at least one from the last new year's GBV show. They said that they wouldn't mind being friends with me. That sounds Minnesota nice to me.

Humiliated by Google

2006-03-28T10:42:00.000-06:00

Today I was wondering what would happen if someone used my computer at work to do a google search. I had to make sure there was nothing too embarrassing that popped up predictively as a previous search.

Here is a sampling of previous searches from each of the 23 letters that I have used in the last 2 months or so...

A: asian burger
B: barcelona fc schedule
C: chicago fish markets
D: depaul silk scarf
E: emusic 100 free downloads
F: free murder mystery dinner
G: georgetown tournament history
H: hate musburger
I: illinois taxes
J: jewel osco
K: knickerbocker hotel chicago
L: latin sandwich cafe chicago
M: metarie, louisisana
N: nigiri maki
O: ohio university women's lacrosse
P: president on the ten dollar bill
R: red hot halos
S: steelers bar twin cities
T: totally bamboo
U: us passport
V: venti starbucks ounces
W: WBC television schedule
Y: yahoo yellow pages

Letters that I omitted and wish that I had done searches for...

Q: quik strawberry or chocolate better
X: xylophone practicing regimen
Z: zeke dies of cholera in oregon trail

God Only Knows

2006-03-22T01:42:00.000-06:00

When I'm bored at night and wide awake, but still too tired to accomplish anything worth accomplishing, I like to watch movies. I did this tonight. "The Girl Next Door" was on one of the HBOs and it captivated me. The premise of the movie is that an ex-porn star moves next door to a dorky high school senior. After an awkward scene of him getting caught watching her change, they fall in love. Spoiler Alert -- There are a few bumps in the road, but he eventually gets the girl.

It took me a week, but I think that I am really digging HBO's new series "Big Love". The show follows a polygamist family trying to live a normal yet secretive life in subarban Utah. The characters are great, especially Chloe Sevigny's role as the conflicted compound-raised, yet raging materialist Nicolette. I had only previously seen her in "Kids" so this character is a bit of a deviation. In reality, I have no idea what her character would really be like, but she seems to be doing one heck of a job.

I also ruined things for myself by watching the third episode before it was released on television. For some reason, ComCast had put the episode on OnDemand a week early, and I was too greedy to just let it be. I am now officially hooked.

Plus, the opening sequence uses the Beach Boys "God Only Knows". And it incorporates ice skating. That's so good.

I hope A.J. goes after Uncle Junior.

Never Bet Against the Griz

2006-03-17T11:56:00.000-06:00

In the latest news, I will be moving to the Twin Cities sometime in June. This is in a way in line with my dream to live by as many lakes as possible. But, as we all know, where there are lakes, there are always mosquitoes.

Although only going 10/16 in Day 1 of the Tournament, I am still yet to lose a Sweet 16 team, which is exciting news to me. In worse news, yesterday I was one of only two to fall to an early beheading in Turducken’s NCAA Suicide Pool, as I foolishly put all my chips on Nevada to beat Montana. Having never seen Montana play, this was a mistake.

Hoops coverage was pretty good for me yesterday, except for when the GW and Gonzaga games were both coming to a close. When I saw the Wilm/GW game getting pushed into OT, I was extremely disappointed, because all I wanted to see was the end of a very close Gonzaga/Xavier game. One would think that CBS would choose to play the game with the bigger potential upset and the one with the funny-looking player that everyone knows, but they didn’t. I suppose that OT supersedes all, and I can imagine the kind of silly arguments that they were having in the CBS control room. Because I wanted to see Gonzaga, I ended up just rooting for the clock to tick away during the GW game, and ended up losing interest in the game itself. Shame on me.

Well, last night the U.S. played itself out of the WBC as Vernon Wells hit into a game-ending DP in the ninth inning. Very disappointing, but at least I will have long-lasting memories like this email message I received from Cubbie this morning…

I had a dream last night about the World Baseball Cup. I can't remember the details, but all I remember was that it was being played in Chicago, and all of our friends were playing on different teams. I think I must be the only person in the country dreaming about the WBC.

Dear Mr. Rud,

2006-03-10T14:57:00.000-06:00

I am requesting of you an email interview that will be conducted throughout the day today. I am a really big fan of your body or work.

Here is how the format will work. The interview will be ongoing and conducted via electronic mail messages. My questions to you will appear in bold. Simply reply to the email, answering the stated questions, and we will see how it all progresses throughout the day. The interview will end when I thank you for doing the interview with me.

Sincerely,
gurs!

And let's begin..

Do you consent to this interview?

Yes, I consent. Which is it, though, my body, or my work, that you are a fan of?

I was referring to your work, but I like your body, too. It's just like "Body by Jake", except its entitled "Body by Rud". So tell me, about how long does it take you to get ready before going to work? Walk me through a typical morning.

Usually, the alarm goes off at 6:40 or so. And then I roll to my feet at 7:45. And then I leave the house at 8:20 or so. Pretty standard morning stuff, really. I shower. I brush my teeth. I shave, sometimes without shaving cream. (That irritates my skin, so I'll probably stop.) I've taken to preselecting my clothing for the day, cutting down the morning preparation time. You won't believe this, but I put my pants on one leg at a time. If I've got extra time, sometimes I'll sit on a chair and try to put them on both legs at a time, however. I eat one bowl of shredded wheat, a large bowl, with two packets of Splenda, and a banana. I'll usually read the Chicago Tribune sports section, usually two articles, during this time. Before leaving the house, I grab a can of soda, usually a Diet Cherry Coke or a Fresca of some variety.

So you put your pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us! That's 100% fascinating. Diet soda has really revolutionized the beverage industry. I myself wasn't really able to get into it much until I decided that I needed to cut back on sugar during my first year of medical school. When did you first discover diet sodas? Were you one of those trendy moms who drank Tab in the 80s?

I always knew of the existence of diet soda - my friend Mike F was ordering Diet Coke as a physically fit 9-year-old - but I don't think we ever had it in the house. As recently as the spring of 2003, I consumed a two-liter bottle of the orange Mountain Dew in a single evening while watching the Cubs. This was as an adult and, therefore, I was making my own consumption choices at that point. That was also the day I bought the New Pornographers' Electric Version CD, I remember. I only started drinking diet soda in earnest in the last year or so. At this point, the non-diet Coke and Pepsi are too sweet for my tastes, perhaps due to my aging or weakening taste buds. However, I prefer Fresca, both for its fruity goodness and because it doesn't carry with it the "Diet" label. There's somehow less status in diet soda, I think, especially as a strapping young man like myself. Also, we had Tab in the house in the early part of 1998, at the earliest peak of the Atkins diet.

It does sometimes feel funny to go to a bar and order a "Jack and Diet", but it certainly is good for you. Maybe with your tastes, you could get away with ordering a "Seven and Fresca".

I wonder if bars stock cans of Fresca? Would bartenders ask, "Original, Black Cherry, Peach, or Lime?" That would be awesome. I won't try, however.

On the topic of sodas, I really like the new Pepsi commercial where Jimmy Fallon romps around with Parker Posey in the streets of NYC. In that commercial the two are drinking regular Pepsi while relating to one another with their unique dance moves. I wonder if the soda companies have any particular agenda to push the sugar-rich versions of their drinks.

I've not seen the commercial you refer to and, quite honestly, I couldn't pick Parker Posey out of a lineup. I could identify Jimmy Fallon, because he'd be giggling and ruining the seriousness of the moment. I'd yell at him, "That movie Taxi sucked! I didn't see it, but both of us know it!" He'd nod in agreement.

Here's a picture of Parker Posey that may help you pick her out of a line-up. I can't imagine her being the one who committed a crime. Maybe that's because I don't know her outside of "Waiting for Guffman" and "Best in Show".

As I look at her imbd filmography, I'm surprised I know Parker Posey's name. I've never seen anything that she was in, except for an episode of the Rosie O'Donnell Show which also featured Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, in 1998, presumably on an appearance promoting You've Got Mail. It's a memorable name, and I believe Ryan Adams once dated her, or was "linked" to her. She's probably a coke-head.

Do you like the WBC as much as I do?

I really, really like the concept of the WBC, and I loved watching the U.S.-Canada game on Wednesday. I decided to leave work a bit early, in part to watch the game. Most, I love the concept of competitive baseball, played with wooden bats, in early March.

But it's a very crowded sports scene right now, and it's tough to devote my proper attention to it. I hope ticket sales pick up for the United States games, and I hope that there are a few great, great games in the single-elimination round to get the event to the forefront of the sports scene. Somehow, going against the NCAA tournament, that seems impossible.

The benefits of the event - namely, competitive baseball on March 10, and the star-studded (though slightly depleted) rosters - outweigh the drawbacks, including clumsy pitch-count restrictions, too-large rosters, and out-of-shape players. I think it's a longshot, but the event could be truly great played for three weeks at the end of July when it next appears, in 2009.

A. Bobsled
B. Luge
C. Skeleton
D. All of the Above
E. None of the Above

Being that there's no question here, I'm not sure what to answer. I think that I prefer bobsled, because of the group-running start and jump process. It's much more interesting than the run-up in skeleton (which I didn't watch), or luge's propulsion method. However, doubles luge opens up Brokeback Olympics jokes, and we know all jokes involving the word "Brokeback" are and will always be funny. Gay cowboys!

For more on skeleton, go here:
http://www.nbcolympics.com/wgrz/index.html

Thank you so much for your time today. It's been wonderful chatting with you about everything from Shredded Wheat to the Gay Luge (two of Wilford Brimley's favorite things). You've been a wonderful participant, and I anticipate this interview will open many doors for you. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and wish you all the luck. I am still amazed that you put on your pants one leg at a time just like the rest of us.

I Love the WBC

2006-03-09T13:38:00.000-06:00

I can't reiterate how incredible the WBC has been. Because I have the MLB.com video pass, I have been able to listen to the games during the day and sometimes catch the later games at television at home.

When team Canada outdistanced the U.S. 8-6 yesterday, this very unsettling feeling set in. I watched the last few innings with Cubbie and we were sitting there stunned. By this point I was rooting for Team U.S.A. 100% of the time. Earlier in the game I was rooting for Team U.S.A. except for when Jason Bay was batting, but after he was pulled for Calgarian Ryan Radmanovich, all of my fervor went to America the Beautiful. It was amazing to see a team with a fair number of minor leaguers punching the U.S. in the mouth like that. Here's an example. 21 year old starter Adam Loewen of the Baltimore Orioles (single-A) pitched a scoreless 3 2/3 against HOF American talent. That set the tone. No team with A Rod will ever win.

The U.S. needs to beat South Africa today. I think Clemens can handle that. At this point, however, they need some help, too. In the case of a WBC tie-breaker, runs allowed between the tied teams is the first tie-breaker. If Mexico beats Canada tonight, then there will be a three way tie (at 2-1) for the two available spots.

Here's how the runs allowed are shaking up so far.
Mexico (1-1) has given up 2
Canada (2-0) has give up 6
The U.S. (1-1) has given up 8

Let's assume that the U.S. beats South Africa. The U.S. will advance outright if Canada beats Mexico. The U.S. will also advance if Mexico beats Canada and scores at least 3 runs. It's simply amazing that it has come down to this. And all of this happens tonight. I am simply in heaven.

While watching the telecast, I was completely offended when Cubbie mistakenly suggested that Matt Stairs was the best product of Team Canada. He said something like, "After Matt Stairs, who do you think the next best player on Canada is?" Ridiculous. Let's just take a look at the offense numbers courtesy of baseball-reference.com.

Matt Stairs (age 37) – 162 Game Averages (Career Best)
BA .267 (.298)
OBP .361 (.389)
SLG .489 (.582)
RBI 87 (106)
Similar Players Through Age – Hank Sauer, Cliff Johnson, Bill Robinson

Jason Bay (age 26) – 162 Game Averages (Career Best)
BA .295 (.306)
OBP .387 (402)
SLG .553 (.559)
RBI 102 (101)
Similar Players Through Age – Marty Cordova, Hack Wilson, Jim Edmonds

The only Canadian today that might have an argument against Bay is Gagne, and he certainly isn't playing in this WBC. And again, that's comparing nectarines to clementines.

Tall Order

2006-03-07T22:48:00.000-06:00

I have been doing a bit of studying for board examinations lately which has translated into plenty of time squandering at various coffee shops. Already at this premature time in the post, you find yourself wondering how I am going to rank the coffee shops that I study at. Maybe I will bullet my favorites with a few buzzwords about each one. Maybe I will numerically rank them just because I can. That would be a very "blog" thing for me to do, and I'm not going to degrade myself like that today. This publication is more hard-hitting than that.

More importanly, for numerous reasons (both ethical and practical), it is impossible for me to rank coffee shops against one another. In my mind I have a list of my favorite places to study, and that's good enough for me. Mood, time, location, and availability often interplay in the sophisticated coffee shop matrix, which ultimately determines where I get my coffee on a particular day. Inter-coffee shop comparisons are completely irrelevant, very similar to when one attempts to compare apples to oranges, or probably more appropriate in this case, nectarines to clementines.

This evening I ended up at none of my favorites. After seeing that The Grind was 100% full when I passed by, I opted to escape the rain and study at a nearby Starbucks. I found it very odd that my coffee was free tonight. It was free because it still needed about 90 more seconds of brewing time when I ordered it. This means that I would have to remain coffee-less a few more endless moments than originally anticipated. It makes me uncomfortable to think that Starbucks' policy is that my coffee is free if I have to wait for an extra two minutes to get it. On the other hand, they may have just been quick to recognize my molten core of intense anger management issues thereby avoiding the serious altercation (involving hot freshly-brewed coffee) that was more than likely to ensue.

While enjoying my fresh coffee, I also got to sit by a very Chicago, very leather-jacketed, very slick-haired gentleman, very much in his mid 40s. Accent and all -- "You can't make money today like you could in the '80s."

Fry My Fish

2006-03-07T11:54:00.000-06:00

I have been spending most of my time the last couple of days thinking about fish. It's incredibly distracting. One of the things that I love about Lent is the abundance of Friday fish fries. I am always a sucker for fish ‘n chips, but when you make it a special deal, I don’t know what to do but get weak in the knees and hungry in the tummy. Perch is my favorite in the fried category.

So, I want to learn more about fish. I’d love to be able to buy, clean, and cook several varieties. I am excited for the weather to turn and the possibility of grilling fish. I have my eyes on a few different fish markets and am targeting reconnaissance trips to these locations in the upcoming weeks.

Good news is that it looks like Kip Wells will be back earlier than expected. He had a best possible scenario for his surgery yesterday and could be back in a few months. That certainly takes a bit of the consistency pressure away from some of the youngsters, but that doesn’t take away the fact that it is vital that the Buccos get out to a strong start.

I love the Pirates "Stats Geek". I love him because he calls the executive vice-president of Baseball Prospectus to help him write his articles. Today we learned that Jack Wilson (4 years/$24.7 M) might be a good deal for the Buccos. His analysis led to the following…

The Formula: If Jack Flash goes (BA/OBP/Slugging) this year, in a predictive fashion he will be worth (blank) million dollars over 4 years based on the current market.

.270/.312./.377 - $19.4 M
.278/.323/.374 - $23.775 M

This is a really complicated formula and takes into account predictions of production decreases with age, etc. Owing Jack just $10.45 M in the next two years (when the bulk of his production is expected to come), the Pirates may just have gotten that hometown discount. Those are conservative estimates of his numbers, too. Plus, he’s pretty much the best thing with leather that you can find between second and third base. While I hope this isn't the case, here's a guess that he'll be on the trading block in two years.

Everyone should buy the Destoyer “Destroyer’s Rubies” album. I say this without hesitancy. The first track “Rubies” comes in at somewhere around 9 minutes and just knocks my socks off. I was completely floored hearing this the first time and I haven’t said that in a long while. The song just builds, flows, and grows in an amazing way.

The new Neko is also due out today, but I’ll see if I can resist her charm for a week or two and hear what a few people have to say about this album first. Ok, maybe I won't.

Phil 4 Sale

2006-03-03T15:57:00.000-06:00

Big news from Dr. Phil today as he announced plans to sell both his Ferrari and Porsche in an upcoming Palm Beach auction. Similar to everyone I know, I find everything about Dr. Phil to be extremely enlightening and very important.

Let's get started with the 2002 Ferrari 360 Spider, shall we? The titanium cougar boasts chrome wheels and a blue convertible top with matching interior. It is powered by a 395-horsepower V8 engine, and as I'm sure Phil would agree, just screams stay in shape. You can own this fine piece of virilence for a mere $150,000.

But why stop there?

The good doctor's 2001 Gemballa Porsche Turbo is harnessed by a 415-horsepower 6-cylinder engine and upgraded performance suspension. More importantly, the exterior is sleek-Phil-black and this sweet ride is a steal at $100,000. It'll also keep your family together.

Notes:
1. Prices have not been inflated from market value even though these cars have been owned by Dr. Phil himself.
2. Unless you are buying Paul McCartney's vegan 2006 Cadillac STS at the same auction, you would be crazy not to buy these.